Why I wont be going back to Summer In The City: SITC 2017 Review

Summer In The City is a YouTube event that I have wanted to go to for many years. In fact, on my Facebook you can see I clicked 'going' to the event in 2011 which was literally just a party in the park. This year I finally took the plunge and went to Summer In The City at the Excel! I really didn't know what to expect as the event has grown astronomically but I was excited nevertheless.

I chose a Sunday ticket, mostly because I had work on the Saturday and also because I wasn't sure if I'd enjoy creator day. I'm at a really awkward stage in my YouTube 'career' where I've either got to pursue it and work every single day or I've got to throw in the towel. I have around 1000 subscribers but it drops below 1000 frequently because I'm currently pretty inconsistent with my uploads and video style. Am I a kawaii YouTuber or a Lush YouTuber? Nobody knows! I understand everything I'm doing wrong with my YouTube and how I could potentially make my videos more consist but honestly, currently I'm just enjoying posting what I feel like.

I didn't want to buy a creator day ticket because I don't know if 1000 subscribers is justification of being a 'creator' or not. I suppose it is but honestly I was scared of the judgement but after my experience on Sunday, I realised I am very much a creator and not a YouTube 'fan' as such. I don't know, I really don't know the way to word it, the lines are very much blurred and I really don't know where I fit on the YouTube spectrum.

ARRIVAL AND EASE OF ACCESS

Anyway, I arrived bright and early on the Sunday, ready for 11am start! The actual process of getting tickets and my meet and greet wristbands was incredibly easy and well-organised which was a very promising start. It made me feel super excited but it was a reminder that I had a LOT of meet and greets, five in total. I also didn't really know what to do about clashing schedules.

My arm of many wristbands!

When the doors opened the mad rush of people and energy was super exciting, I've never been able to film 'talking' vlogs whilst at an event before but here it felt so easy as everyone was doing it! Getting into the exhibition haul I was surprised that the amount of people didn't feel very overwhelming. As somebody who has only previously been to the ExCel centre for Comic Con, SITC felt so empty in comparison, as it was only one part of the centre.


THE STALLS

I had a quick look around the art stalls, this is always my favourite part of any convention because I'm a wannabe artist and I admire all the different art styles and all the cute stuff available at these events! There was lots of amazing art and little trinkets and it was nice to look at.

I then looked at all the activities which was things like the Instagram swing and the McFlurry van, both things I felt uncomfortable to do on my own, so I missed out. That's my fault though as there's no rule about having to be with a 'squad', just I didn't feel comfortable.

The word 'funfair' is also a very grandiose term for one ride and some bumper cars. Not that this bothered me that much as it wasn't something I was planning on spending my money one!

Another thing which I can't decide whether it bothered me or not is that the creators merchandise stalls had queues to get into, I understand it in the respect that if the creator is there it's a good way to get everybody to queue up to meet them but I also found it roped people into buying merchandise when perhaps they might not have wanted to. Considering the event is primarily for children, I felt that there could have been an easier way to look at the merchandise as I'm sure not every child (or even adult!) had £10-20 to spend on every creator.

Due to this set-up, I only approached the creator stall that I was interested in meeting and purchasing from. Honestly, I had a bad experience meeting this creator and my social anxiety means I'm absolutely terrified I did something wrong. I'm hoping they were just tired as it was a Sunday evening but I'm still feeling so bad that perhaps I did or said the wrong thing and upset them. Which wasn't what I wanted to do obviously.

THE MEET AND GREETS

Honestly, the meet and greets were a bit of a disaster. I had lots of clashing meet and greets, luckily, my social anxiety has improved enough that asking for a little bit of help wasn't an issue. The first person told me to queue up for my first meet and greet and I'd be 'fast tracked' for the second. This didn't make sense! (And was wrong!) So I queued up to meet Dodie, I met some lovely girls in the queue who had drawn Dodie some beautiful artwork and they also had clashing meet and greets! A lot of people in my queue did and honestly some of them were as young as 11/12 so would have definitely struggled even more than me to ask about what to do!

The queue for Dodie took me two and a half hours. This is fine, it's what I expected! I wish I'd had known having two meet and greets I could fast track it but honestly, none of the volunteers seemed to know and it wasn't worth sacrificing my place in the queue. Unfortunately, due to a mix of mine and their mistakes I missed my other meet and greet entirely and I was pretty gutted. Not just because I really wanted to meet the other creator I was scheduled to meet but also because that meet and greet ticket had now been wasted on me when somebody else could have benefitted from it.

Meeting Dodie was lovely though, I found it difficult and I didn't manage to get any words out whatsoever but she was kind and pure. They say never to meet your heroes but honestly meeting her was an amazing experience. I was only very quick in saying hello because I tried to speed it up for everybody else in the queue but it was a lovely brief hello!

Excuse the fact I look so awkward! I was really aware of the massive queue behind me and I felt like I needed to be as quick as possible!

By the time I'd finished at the Dodie queue it was almost time to queue up for the Evan Edinger queue. I hadn't eaten at all at this point and there was nowhere to buy food in the 'meet and greet' section. I ran to the toilet, contemplated going back to the main arena to get some food but honestly after missing one of my meet and greets and feeling like crying, I decided the queue to get back into the meet and greet section was too long, so after hanging around trying to watch a panel on the main stage,  I queued up for Evan.

I was about 5th in the Evan Edinger queue as most people had been held back at the queue to get into the meet and greet hall. Unfortunately I didn't realise I could fast track this one and be at my other meet and greet (Mimei and PDR) even faster but to be honest I was so close to the front of the queue this really didn't matter!

Meeting Evan was amazing! He's a creator I've been watching for years and sort of feel like I've been on every holiday he's been on with! I found meeting Evan and Dodie quite bizarre because a YouTuber friend of theirs grew up very local to me and to all my friends, Evan and Dodie were just that YouTubers friends. It's really weird. If you are an Evan fan and are considering going to a meet and greet of his I would 110% recommend it! I was greeted with so much energy and enthusiasm and as I watched the queue from another one, I noticed that he greeted even people who had been waiting for two hours with the same energy as the first person he met! I even vlogged with him, it's super embarrassing and I'm not sure it'll see the light of day on my YouTube channel but you know, it's a nice reminder of how much my confidence has grown!

Evan was so full of energy! A lovely creator to meet if you ever get the chance!

I then got in the queue for Mimei and PDR. It was an insanely long queue and that same stress about missing my 4 o'clock meet and greet sunk in. At this point I'd been in the meet and greet haul since 11.30am and it was now nearly 4pm. I was so thirsty and so hungry. I waited in the queue for Mimei and PDR for an hour and realised that the queue for my 4pm meet and greet was really tiny and if I wasn't careful I'd miss it. I asked if there was anyway I could fast track as I explained my situation but they said as they were different timed meet and greets there was nothing they could do. Fair enough, I didn't want to be given an unfair advantage, so I just dropped out of the Mimei and PDR queue and jumped into the Beckie queue!

The Beckie queue took longer than expected but that was because she really took time to talk to everybody. I loved meeting her because she was probably the worst YouTuber I ever watched, in 2008-2009 or so when she used to make videos up in her attic room. She was very warming and made everybody in her queue feel important and valid to her. It was heartwarming, she's truly something special in the YouTube community.

Beckie is a very special part of the YouTube community! She needs to be protected and cherished. 

So by the time I got out of that queue it was about 5.30pm. I contemplated getting back into the Mimei and PDR queue but it was stilled looped around and I'd been in that meet and greet hall for 6 hours without food or drink. So I couldn't face it. I tried to get somebody to give them the card I had written but I struggled and just ended up leaving.

IS THE MEET AND GREET BALLOT WORTH IT? 

Meet and greets are definitely worth it but be warned if you are going on your own you are going to have a miserable time waiting in queues. I also think people should be limited to one or two meet and greets each. Having five was amazing but I missed two despite being in the hall for six whole hours on my own. It meant I missed all the panels I wanted to see, I was desperate to see 'Women who Write' and a couple of others. I missed them all for the sake of meet and greets. I could have ditched the meet and greets but honestly I felt so lucky to have gotten them that I had to go to them because other people were missing out so I could meet these creators, there was no way I was just not going to bother because of how unfair that would have felt.

PANELS

As I've stated, I really didn't get any time to see the panels because of my experience with meet and greets but from what I read about them and the glimpses I did see, the panels were really informative and insightful. They had an amazing range of topics and creators. It was a really inclusive atmosphere and I'm sure they would have been wonderful to listen to properly. From the bits I did see of them, the ones on 'stages' in the main hall were difficult to hear because of all the other stuff going on around them. There was also never enough seating but this is always difficult to provide.

AWARDS AND PERFORMANCES

Honestly, this was the part I was most excited for but I ended up missing it due to my day being so long and painful. I was desperate to see Dodie perform but I ended up leaving the ExCel at 6pm, I had been awake for 12 hours and hadn't even drunk anything for 9 of those. I had a headache. I know it was partially my fault for being unprepared without food or drink but I didn't realise quite how long I'd be in that meet and greet hall.

WOULD I RECOMMEND GOING TO SUMMER IN THE CITY?

Overall, maybe. If you are a YouTube fan and going with a group of friends, yes definitely. There's lots for friends to do together, sitting in meet and greet queues looked an awful lot more fun with friends and it really could be an amazing day out!

If you are a 'YouTuber' like me where you are just a small creator and just want to meet and learn from other YouTubers, I'd probably give it a miss unless you are planning on going on the creator day. My day was lonely, tiring and stressful. I didn't learn anything about creating on YouTube like I'd hoped for. If I do go again it'll be the creator day but honestly, I still don't know if it'll be worth attending on my own.

PROS
- A very inclusive environment. Everybody felt comfortable being themselves. 10/10
- Fun things for friends to do together
- Creators are lovely people!
- A safe environment for young people to meet their 'idols'
- Everything is easy to find
- Can leave/ re-enter venue quite easily
- Informative and interesting panels
- Not too busy, great first time convention for children
- Food is available in lots of places, just very expensive!
- Lot's of opportunities to meet YouTube creators

CONS
- Not really a place for lonely people
- Lots and lots of waiting
- Very expensive, did not feel like it was worth £28 and it will only be more expensive in 2018
- Feeling pressure to buy creator merchandise when you've already spent a lot on the ticket
- Panels in the main arena were hard to hear and watch


I hope this review helped you decide on whether to go to Summer In The City in the future. I'm sorry it's not the most positive review. I'm definitely not saying that SITC isn't worth a trip because for some people it definitely is totally worth the trip and the money. It's just for me, as a small creator, I felt like I was out of place entirely and I didn't fit in.

Zono xxx

The Art of Writing Letters

I know what you're thinking. Writing is so 20th Century. You're sort of correct, except writing is so old it pre-dates pretty much everything else on the planet. I love to write letters, it's something I've always done. At school, me and my best friend at the time Rosie used to write eachother letters in every single Spanish lesson. We were in seperate classes but that didn't stop us. These letters sort of turned into a really artistic competition. I'd be given these pop-up cards, letters in paper fortune-teller form, letters that had carefully been folded into the shape of fish! I wasn't quite so artistic but I used a lot of coloured pens to make my letters back almost as impressive.

Since then it's carried on, occasionally, I will write out my love to you on a piece of paper. It doesn't really matter who you are but if I look up to you, you could potentially get a lot. I also like to give letters to people who I feel don't often get appreciated as much as they should. Don't worry though, it's not out of pity! I just like to make sure I make somebody feel valid.

My super cute Rilakkuma letter sets! I love writing really personal letters on these tiny pieces of paper that people can treasure forever, or throw away, I suppose, although I try not to think about people doing the latter!

You can never go wrong with little stickers! (Unless like me you have a friend who's terrified of stickers and the way they feel!) Alternatively cute little doodles work very well too!

Cute cards and little bits of cardboard are also extra fun to include. I love every letter I write to be instantly recognisable as being from me! So that's cute paper, a pastel or bright rainbow theme and a lot of stickers!

Here's my video on my cute, kawaii letter writing style! Hope it inspires you to be more open! 

I hate how writing to tell people they are appreciated or loved isn't really accepted. Many years ago as a teenager, I would write my friends letters and make them little photo scrapbooks but if the friend was male, I'd always get accused of being madly in love with them. I hated it and eventually it stopped me from making the scrapbooks altogether. I hated this assumption that I had to be madly in love with someone just because I wrote them a thank you. I'll be honest, the love I feel for people is potentially more than how an average person feels (either that or everybody I've ever met hides their emotions) but I've never really been 'in love' with anybody, a bold statement I know!

So if you've ever got a present or a letter from me telling you how great I think you are that doesn't mean I'm in love with you! I'm not! I love you and cherish you as a friend and don't mind saying things that most people would feel like is a 'bit much'.

Slowly, I am learning to write slightly shorter letters! Not ten page essays for everybody. Unless you want one, of course! I love to cover them in stickers, draw little doodles of hearts and stars all over them. As a child I even used to spray them with perfume (well, more Impulse Body Spray!) - I don't do that anymore though!

Sometimes, I just think we all need to step back and take a moment to write a sentence or two about why we appreciate people. What it is about them that makes you bound up to their front door a little faster than you usually would, let them know that sometimes your cheeks hurt after seeing them from how much they make you laugh and smile. How much you look up to them. You never know when it'll be your last chance to say the things on your mind.

Sorry, the last note really was a bit on the emo side but it's all too easy to forget!
Zono xxx

Hyper Japan 2017 Review

Hello Everybody!
Hyper Japan 2017 has already been and gone, I can't quite believe it! This trip to Hyper Japan was my third trip and I thought I would share some thoughts for anybody deciding whether or not to go for Christmas or for the July Convention in the many years to come!

THE LOCATION:
Tobacco Dock is beautiful but it definitely doesn't feel like a convention centre. It's pokey, slightly awkward and often confusing. It felt like there was a lack of toilets for the sheer volume of people. The queues were large. It was also incredibly hot and slightly dark. It could have done with a lot more light in some of the more hidden rooms. I wouldn't say I didn't enjoy the convention being here, I just found it difficult to find my way around. Everything was in little rooms and often I felt like that I might be going the wrong way. The staff that actually worked for the convention centre didn't feel particularly helpful and if I did lose my way a bit, they'd just shoo me away and point to a map as I tried to find my way around. Most of the time though, it just felt wrong and it wasn't actually wrong.

Sorry for such negative notes there. I'm just trying to give the full experience. Tobacco Dock itself is full of character, is easy to find from either Shadwell or Wapping station (and about equidistant from each) and once you do manage to find your way around is a lot of fun!




THE STALLS:
As somebody that goes to Hyper Japan almost solely for all the kawaii fashion stuff, I was truly in my element. The stalls were absolutely amazing for this. There was so much beautiful art, cute clothes and genuinely amazing stuff to look at. It was like a dreamworld for someone like me! No matter what your J-Fashion style is you will find something for yourself at Hyper Japan. You will find too much, you will not be able to afford everything you want to buy!

As always, TofuCute, Cakes With Faces, Artbox and Dreamy Bows really did make the convention this year. They had amazing displays, cute photo areas, an absolutely incredible amount of stock and really made the place pop!

There were apparently less anime stalls than usual, I can't comment as it's never been something I've really looked at too much but my sister was far more interested in them. To me, it felt like a lot of the anime stalls were overpriced tat. A lot of rip-off posters that had been reprinted and slightly unfortunate looking pokemon plushes! Personally I wouldn't spend my money on it but I can see the appeal to an 11 year old anime fan! There were also some bargains so it's not all a rip-off. My sister also loves the idea that she has super cool anime bags and posters that her friends will find hard to find so that's cool too! I honestly don't think it's a complete waste of money as long as you go into it knowing that you might not be buying the genuine stuff!

HOW BUSY WAS IT?
I went for Friday and Sunday so I can't comment for Saturday (notoriously the busiest day) but Friday was the quietest. Friday was still busy but it felt manageable, nowhere got to crowded, I managed to see everything I wanted to see and didn't feel too claustrophobic.
Fast forward to Sunday and it was packed, it felt like almost double the people. Trying to get into the TofuCute, Artbox and Dreamy Bows stalls was almost impossible, my sister had to wait outside while I got her Ramune as she was too anxious to even attempt to enter. Honestly it was not an enjoyable experience on the Sunday with the levels of people. Queues for food and toilets made it feel like it wasn't worth eating or drinking. (not something I say lightly!)


THE FOOD:If you could bring yourself to try and wait in a disorganised queue, the food was a really interesting and varied selection of Japanese goodies. It was expensive, which goes without saying at all conventions and I don't think it's fair to give the food a bad wrap on this alone. I wish I could have tried it all but the thing that caught me and my sister's eyes the most was the bubble wrap waffles. Honestly, those things were heaven. Sent from above. It was a bubble wrap waffle, some ice cream, cream, chocolate, melted nutella and oreos. A dream come true when you're crashing from a lack of sugar in a hot convention haul. I couldn't recommend these enough. They are seven pounds a pop which is on the expensive side but truly worth every penny!

The other food I didn't get to try but it sure smelled good!

THE PERFORMANCES:
Honestly, this is a part of Hyper Japan I often miss and forget about, which is a shame really because it's probably mostly what I pay for! I made sure to see a few this year, I really wanted to see the fashion show but I only managed to watch it on YouTube as my sister was not interested. I watched a few performances, Shin was a favourite, completely crazy J-Rock, not my usual style at all but I really enjoyed his crazy bouncing around the stage and screaming!

MY VLOG OF THE CONVENTION:

Mostly a vlog of the 'kawaii stalls' and amazing artists I met!

OVERALL:

Would I go again? Yes, I love Hyper Japan and will continue to go and support the convention and the amazing artists. 

Do I think it's worth the money? Mostly yes, priority entry was too expensive and hardly anybody except my sister used it (but it did mean we cut all of the queue inside - you still had to wait outside like everybody else though!)
I do think the Friday and Sunday tickets were fairly priced. Just make sure you see everything and get your moneys worth. I won't be buying a weekend ticket again. At £45 this was too expensive as I missed a lot of stuff due to not being able to attend on the Saturday. 

What would I improve?

A lot of stuff. I'd probably change the venue back to The Olympia if I could (haha, obviously I don't have that level of power!), there needs to be more lighting definitely and more toilets. The food stalls could also have done with a better queueing system, the lines were so long and honestly it was hit and miss as to what you were lining up for! The First Aid room also felt pretty hidden and needed better signage from a safety point of view. 

Do I have any tips?  

Take cash! It makes your life and everybody else's lives so much easier!
If you are taking children or anybody that might need a little bit of extra help, you definitely need to arrange a meeting place in case they get lost. It would be far too easy to get lost in tobacco dock! (I am a grown woman and I got lost, many times!) - I'd recommend the fountain as a good place to have as a meeting point.

Watch performances. This is one of the things that makes Hyper Japan so interesting and full of culture. These are things that you can't buy on the internet later so definitely make the most of them!
Have fun! Dress cute and how ever you want! I was absolutely showered with compliments both days I attended for my outfits and it made me feel amazing!

I hope I have given you a realistic and informative review of Hyper Japan!
Zono xxx

Dealing With Social Anxiety at Conventions

It’s the summer (in my part of the world!) and it’s definitely well and truly convention season! I love conventions and I’m so glad I’ve got into going to them, I’ve met so many cool people with similar interests to me that I wouldn’t have met otherwise.

... But it hasn’t always been that way. In 2014, I admired conventions, I desperately wanted to go but there was this massive barrier. I had crazy social anxiety. When I thought about going to Comic Con or Hyper Japan, I felt sick. ‘What if I didn’t fit in?’, ‘What if I people think I’m dressed stupid?’ 

Obviously, anybody who’s been to conventions will know that it was a silly way to think and that conventions are most often filled with lovely people who love seeing all sorts of people dressed in all sorts of ways! But in 2014 I didn’t know that and I was definitely too scared to find out! 

Just know, if you have anxiety and you want to go to a convention, it’ll probably be really, really hard but I believe in you! You will be able to have an awesome time! 

Load video

So I made this video which is all about my anxiety at conventions and how it’s taken time (2-3 years!) but I’ve slowly managed to go from somebody not even able to go to conventions to somebody who managed to go all by myself! Which for some of you might probably seem completely impossible!

So for those who don’t want to watch the video, here are some of the main tips:

1) Give yourself a Goal. Something you’ll be proud of if you managed to achieve, for example I set my goal in 2015 as being able to tell an artist I liked their work. That’s it. I managed to do it and it left me beaming with happiness (and hopefully them too!) - Just make sure you don’t set yourself to high a goal, especially if your anxiety is really bad, going from not even being able to step foot in a convention to being in a fashion show is probably unattainable and will leave you feeling sad if you try!

2) Don’t be afraid to recollect. Cons are notoriously busy and for a lot of people just being around that many people for a long length of time is going to make you feel on edge. So definitely don’t be afraid to take a break, go outside and come back in when you are feeling more refreshed.

3) Have a back-up plan. My Social anxiety CBT therapist said this wasn’t always a good thing if you are trying to recover but if you are suffering very badly from social anxiety I do believe it can possibly help you. (Also remember I’m not a therapist though lol) Make sure you know what you’d do if you couldn’t cope and you had to leave to convention early. Maybe you know there’s a starbucks or a park near the convention that you could go to. Make sure your friends/ parents/ who you are going with are aware this is where you’d want to go.

Final Note...

Conventions are such a happy place and it’s a shame Social Anxiety prevented me from going for SO long. I’m sure there must be others out there. Just know that everytime I’ve been to a con I’ve left feeling so glowing and happy, whether I’ve managed to talk to a lot of people or not. I don’t think social anxiety will have a massively negative impact on your experience. A lot of the convention community will understand shyness and you will not feel pushed or pressured to talk to anyone if you don’t want to!!

I hope you have an amazing time at conventions in the future! They are honestly some of the highlights of my year! 

Don’t forget to pick up a giant alpaca toy lol!

Zono xxx

The Day I Realised I Had Social Anxiety

Hello Everyone, 

This is a long post I wanted to share about the day I finally realised I had social anxiety. As somebody who has always had depression and somebody who grew up 'shy', I never even thought that my problems were caused by social anxiety. The problem with mental health problems is most people who suffer don't just suffer with one, mental health problems cause further mental health problems and then usually physical problems too! The lines are so blurred and so many mental illnesses coincide and live together it's almost impossible to tear them apart. Maybe you're finding them impossible to tell apart too. So here's a little glimpse into my life in 2014, the year I finally realised I had social anxiety. 

Always Being Zoe The Shy Girl... 

Social Anxiety has been a big part of my life for the past 10 years. However, until 2014, I didn’t even realise that my problem had a name. Growing up as the shy child felt natural to me, I blamed every problem that I had on the fact that I was ‘shy’. I honestly thought that my severe fear of social situations and making phone calls would disappear as I slowly made my way into adulthood. Unfortunately though, my problems only got worse.

In 2014, I was a bright-eyed 19 year old about to wander into university halls for the first time. I knew my reserved nature and shyness would leave me struggling to make friends and do things but I thought by ‘throwing myself into it’ that I would naturally learn to cope with these situations. On my first week, every situation at university made my stomach sink ridiculous amounts. Finding somewhere to sit in the lecture hall, not even that social of a situation, left me feeling full of dread, what if I sat where someone else wanted to sit, what if I was in the way, what if the people there didn’t want me sitting near them. The thoughts were racing and constant. I wanted to disappear, I couldn't concentrate in my lectures because all my thoughts were about potential social interactions and making a fool of myself. 

University Fears or Primary School Problems?

Waiting around in corridors, the fear of being late to lectures, not being able to make friends, the fear of sitting in the wrong place at lunch. These things are more fears you’d associate with primary school than university. I just didn’t think anything of it though, it was the way I’d always been through school, why would university be any different?

I didn’t make friends. I really tried and the people around me really tried to be my friend too - I just felt so uncomfortable, a lovely girl tried to introduce me to her friends, cook me tea and all sorts of kind stuff that I felt didn’t deserve, I also felt like their ‘friendship group’ was already well-established and I couldn’t feel comfortable being around them. I wanted to, I desperately wanted to and looking back I know they would have been happy to have me as their friend! 

So I spent days and nights on my own. My 20th birthday, I sat in my room reading a magazine and crying about how lonely I was and how helpless I felt to do anything about it. I scrolled through Facebook, watching people go out, meet new friends, travel the world and meet people. Why hadn’t I grown out of being shy yet? Am I doomed to always be this way?

Realising I had a Problem

Even through all this, I didn’t really realise anything was wrong enough to have something be done about it. The time I realised something was seriously wrong was when we got our first University work placements, we had to call up the placement to say we were going to be coming. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t call them. Phone calls had always been my biggest fear and I’ve always been able to get out of making them, my mum has a similar voice to me, so she’s pretended to be me more times than I can count. I paced my room for a day trying to make the call. I felt sick, I cried, I considered running away and quitting university altogether, for the sake of a phone call. 

In the end, I got my mum to do it. I called her up to tell her to call up for me, ironic. She made the call. Panic over.

My First Nursing Placement

On the morning of my first day, I woke up at 6am, brushed my hair, put on my uniform, looked like a golden bundle of joy despite feeling so sad and alone. I took cute pictures of myself in my uniform for my first day of being a student nurse out in the world. I was so excited. I left way over an hour earlier than I needed to for my placement, mostly due to the fear of being late or any negative social interaction.

As I got to the station though, I couldn’t find where I was going and my Social Anxiety prevented me from asking anybody for help. I ended up on a train to central London, as I’d managed to google on my phone a way I could get to the placement from there. I started to cry and cry but luckily I’d left so early that I’d be able to make it on time even though I’d taken this massive detour to London Bridge. 

Fast forward to London Bridge, finding myself a seat on an empty train out of London. Finally starting to relax as I was going to make it. It was running 10 minutes late but that didn’t matter, I'd left so early that I even had time to allow for that, as long as I ran up the hill. However the train didn’t stop at my stop due to a last minute change and I ended up at the last stop in rural Kent. I really needed to call the placement to let them know I was going to be late, yet, I couldn’t. Again I couldn’t. This was so important and I couldn’t do it. I got my Mum to call again after ringing her over and over again even though she was at work and I felt like a failure as I arrived two hours late for my first day as a student nurse. I felt horrific. Truly awful, my life felt like it had hit a low point. The pictures of me a few hours earlier as a beaming student nurse with her anatomy colouring book never saw the light of social media. I was too ashamed. 

Leaving University due to Social Anxiety…

I didn’t want to be a student nurse anymore. I couldn’t do the most basic tasks. I knew I wasn’t ready and I felt like I’d never be good enough to look after patients or to be part of a team. Unfortunately, university life just carried on like this for me and I ended up leaving university altogether. My next placement was complicated to call up and I couldn’t explain it to my Mum properly and so by the time my placement arrived I wasn’t sure if they were ‘expecting’ me at the hospital, so I just didn't turn up. I left university altogether and moved back home. My social anxiety was now not just stopping me making phone calls, I couldn’t even go anywhere. 

Eventually it spiralled like this until by the end of that year, I spent all my time alone in my bedroom, I occasionally managed to go out with friends but only if they came to pick me up from my house first. Shopping was only possible in stores with self-service check outs. I wore a giant black hoodie every day for months. My whole life revolved around avoiding people. 

I went to the doctor to talk about the depression I thought I had and how I felt about stuff. I did have depression because I couldn’t go out and do anything, I thought my life was stuck on hold. It was only then she asked about anxiety, I said I didn’t have anxiety but as I explained all the stuff about anxiety she said it sounded like I possibly did. She gave me a number to self-refer to CBT. I froze. I then proceeded to tell her how phone calls were my absolute biggest fear and that I couldn’t go anywhere that I needed to call up first. I started to cry and panic, my chest felt like it was knotting up and I couldn’t hear the doctor over the sound of my heartbeat. That’s the day I realised that maybe I did have social anxiety. Not only did I ‘maybe' have social anxiety but I might have a really severe case. 

Luckily, that’s also the day it started to change for the better. The road was long, over a year from start to finish. To say it’s even finished now would be a lie. I’m getting there though, day by day.

Yellow Submarine - Lush Bath Bomb Demo

Hey Cuties!


This Bath bomb was so cute I almost couldn't bear to part with it in the tub, although I'm glad I did because it was a beautiful bathing experience! The orange, lemongrass and coriander really make this bath bomb smell summery and delicious, it makes me want to take a big jump in the ocean!
Zono xxx

What Happens at A LUSH Blogger Event?

Hey you! 😊
A few months back I got invited to my first Lush blogger event, which was super exciting because I definitely don't count myself as much of a blogger, YouTuber, instagrammer or whatever! It's not too hard to get invited to one of these events, as long as you have a blog/ instagram/ YouTube with a following of any amount that you post to frequently... I'm sure you'll be considered!

How to get invited to a Lush blogger event:
I can't actually tell you how to get invited, each Lush store probably has it's own criteria, unless you are Lush or Internet royalty though, you probably won't be lucky enough to be invited out of the blue! Make sure you keep up-to date with your local Lush stores social media page and eventually they'll post about a blogger event! All you have to do is email, say a bit about yourself and your blog! That's it! (I'd probably throw in about how you love Lush though!) - I can't say for every Lush but at the blogger event I attended you definitely didn't need thousands of followers to take part!

Who goes to Lush blogger events?
Again... I can only speak from experience but the variety of bloggers at the event I attended was massive! There were a lot of Mum blogs who all seemed to know each other, a 'Local Area' blogger who blogged all about stuff going on in the town and even some music bloggers! Obviously, there were lots of beauty bloggers, I actually felt really awkward as I didn't actually write a blog at that point... just my 'Lush' Instagram account and my 'ohnozozo' YouTube!

Are there freebies?
This definitely shouldn't be the reason you go to a blogger event but... yes! There was free cake! We also got to pick a product from the store to take home which was really nice!

My Experience:
The event I attended was actually in February/ March time and believe it or not it's now July... luckily I made a YouTube video of the event I attended! (See viddy above!) Honestly I feel like that would explain it better than I could now... just know overall it was a positive experience, I was made to feel very welcome and very at ease! As it was a blogger event it meant I didn't feel awkward whipping my camera out every five minutes to take pictures and videos, which was lovely! I am still very much an awkward blogger/ vlogger who often tries to hide the fact I'm filming!

I would 10/10 go again and would definitely recommend you to email and put yourself out there if a Lush event like this is in your area! It can be scary to put yourself out there (I know... I didn't put myself out there and my friend actually emailed for me!) but the reward is well and truly worth the risk! You could potentially meet some new blog buddies!!

Zono xxx

5 Tips for Hyper Japan 2017!

Hello again!
Here is my little viddy about 5 things I definitely recommend you check out/ remember to bring to Hyper Japan festival in London! Have a great time if you are coming along!
Zono xxx

P.S Definitely check out Cakes With Faces stall... her stuff is SO cute and not to be missed!

Kawaii Jewelry Review - Riku's Raving Hama Creations!

Hello magical person reading this! (That's you btw!)

Today I’m going to be showing you some of the super awesome jewellery I received from Riku’s Raving Hama Revolution! I received a beautiful necklace and a ton of super cute hair bows! They are made with Perler beads or Hama beads (depending on which side of the pond you are on!) I know a lot of girls are into ‘kawaii’ gamer, nerdy fashion at the moment! 

I thought it was an ideal time to showcase what you can get from an independent designer. Riku takes requests so if you like this style of jewellery you can get some for yourself that’s inspired by your favourite video game or anime character. 

That’s just one reason you should check out independent designers, not just because they might be able to whip up something super special just for you! Also because anything you do receive is made with lots of love and care! You’re also much less likely to walk down the road and see somebody in the same shirt…

I also produced a video for my YouTube channel! I worked very hard on this video because Riku deserves the attention and hopefully I managed to put in even a fraction of the effort that she did into making my super cute accessories!

Sailor Moon and Pokemon are both massive inspirations to my fashion sense (or lack of fashion sense!) 

I absolutely love the magical girl style when it comes to jewellery… sadly I’m not confident enough to go out in a full magical pink dress just yet, however, I’m sure my pastel shoes and glittery cheeks are enough to give everybody around some evidence that I’m a magical girl on her day off!

Pokemon has been a big part of my life since… well, since I was half the height I am now, even since before the 21st century!! I used to have Pokemon posters, a massive tin of pokemon cards and have played every main season game since Yellow! I love that children still recognise Pokemon right now… currently I’m even listening to ‘relaxing pokemon music’ on YouTube to help me write!

The quality of the pieces is really good, the clips on the hair bows are really well stuck on and the chain on the necklace seems very well attached. It’s easy to see a lot of hard work goes into these products. They look super cute on and I don’t have the worry that I often have with handmade jewellery that it could break. Obviously, as with all handmade products, I’d advise to be careful with them but I do think they will survive daily wear and tear! So you can definitely wear these out and take a little bit of 8-bit magic with you wherever you go! 

Keep on sparkling,
Zono xxx

P.S Shop small 😄💕